I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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