I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
