Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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