your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
