the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Actions speak louder than pants.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
