My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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