So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
