He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
