No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
