Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
