hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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