i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
