I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
His nipple licking is glorious
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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