Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
