Soap is not a condiment
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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