Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
