she looked like the before picture.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
