I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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