I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
