haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
