Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
