WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
