I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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