So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
