i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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