Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize