Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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