I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
