did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
