the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
