remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
