Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't turn off my feet"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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