My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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