You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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