spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
