And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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