So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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