Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
