im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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