Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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