i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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