I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
