Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
