Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize