So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
