Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
