Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
