If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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