Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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