There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
