In the future we'll all be gay
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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