when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
