we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
