my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
