i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
