I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
