Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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