Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
