I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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