Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
