He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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