Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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