If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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