It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
