Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
