She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
