i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
