If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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