People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
