she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Be still, my beating vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
