The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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