my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
