you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
