i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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