Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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