There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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