I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
